Start with what’s in front of you

One of the things about cancer I really liked was that our world got very small.
It was home and it was the hospital room and that was it.

My job: to help Phoenix make it through chemo.
My worst days were the days I googled things.

Those were the days I completely panicked because my vision zoomed out so big that everything seemed of equal Ride-Or-Die importance and equally urgent and equally ALREADY overdue. 

These were also my worst days with Michael and the kids. Everything they did (or didn’t do) was against me and my heavily researched plans. 
“Get with the program, people!” I would scream inside my mind.  “We have to do ALL the things ALL at once or Phoenix will DIE!”
In my mind, these were the stakes. 

This was the equation: do ALL the things or certain death.

 
If my people did not get their heads out of their asses and jump on the crazy train with me, I promised to hold them responsible for any bad things that happened from here on out.  The bad things would be because of their negligence.
This is what happened to me when my world got too big.

At 6 AM two days ago, Colorado issued a Shelter-In-Place.
Our worlds just got so much smaller.
Which means we might be tempted to zoom out. 

We might be feeling the desperate urge to do some googling: sign up for all the free meditation classes; catch up with all the friends on all the virtual platforms; listen to all the free concerts; start all the free workouts; download all the free homeschooling resources; listen to all the podcasts; read all the articles; implement ALL the best practice suggestions for staying home and NOT DYING.
Because THESE ARE THE STAKES.

I just want to say: I do not think this works. 
When my world gets too big, I panic.  And everyone I love suffers.
I am practicing this: it is ok to keep it small.
Like the writer (and cancer survivor) Mark Nepo says:  “what we need is always harshly and beautifully right before us, disguised in the wrapping of our nearest urgency.”

Smallness is a gift. 

Smallness lets your eyes adjust, lets your whole self adjust to this new reality.  Smallness lets you focus on what matters.  Which is usually what’s right in front of you. 
Start there.