I want to talk about sobriety
Tomorrow morning at 8:45 am Phoenix gets his biopsy.
I feel very edgy today, very not ok. I’m trying to be ok with not being ok.
I do this by practicing doing what I’ve been doing intensely for two years now: feel my feelings.
The Nana Tree
I start crying and choke on the words.
Of course, that’s what I’m doing.
Of course, I’m hoping the ashes scattered will become Phoenix rising.
Of course, this is why I’ve held on to this little three-inch urn for almost nine years.
How to be a Phoenix
This is the lesson of the Phoenix.
This is what it does best.
It submits to the burning because it knows there is no other way through but THROUGH.
You have to burn if you want to evolve.
You HAVE to surrender to the unknown if you want to change. You don’t get to control the narrative. You don’t get to choose your particular brand of “doable flames.”
If you want to rise, you have to lay it all down.
Holding Space
How can the world become in an instant just entirely too much to handle?
And if it can for them, then it sure as hell can for you.
And there it is.
The awful truth of all of our lives reveals itself: the world truly is entirely too much to handle.